breexdeadbeat

So today was pretty interesting. I woke up and I went over to join Taylor and Briana at Taylor's house and we went and picked up Brian. Taylor's boyfriend, and our hopeful future drummer. He was pretty nice, but he was really quiet, so I hope it was just a first time meeting shy type of deal. Otherwise he's not going to fit in with us loudmouths now will he? Ha. We went to the mall and hung out and shit and I got myself a bandana of The Used. Fun times man, ha.

So yah, even if Brian's not crazy like us, he seems laid back and chill, and probably capable of handling all of our crazy antics and what not. Plus he wasn't freaked out by the fact that we all have alternate personalities for each other. xD

So yah, I'm home now and I'm still feeling pretty sick. I'm having hot/cold flashes, gross out much? I better not be sick on Tuesday, otherwise I'm gonna end up getting the Rothe sick. (Drop Dead, Gorgeous show) I can't wait to see them (him) again. Shhhh, for future references, I'm not the one who love's Aaron Rothe in that sexsual sort of way coughbrianacough . She's gonna be pissed about me broadcasting her love for him, but hey she can do just the same back to me about Sonny Moore, so there's no big fight there now is there? I don't really give a fuck if he finds out, it's easier that way so I don't have to tell him. ha. Uhhhh I didn't say any of the above facts. >.> <.<
It was the Wentz inside my mind trying to ruin me before anything even happens. Shame shame Wentz.

Attention all of my worst critics, who were once the best of friends, your all just crows on the power lines.

On the way home from dropping Brian off we all talked about getting out of Florida and what not. Seriously, this place is the state where people only come to die, it's not a place for children, no less music lovers. I hate waiting for people to discover you and your talent and what not all that shit. Gah, I just wish everything would be so much easier, you know? That parents didn't breathe down your neck about your friends and your friends orientation, heroes that weren't so damn hard to meet, place that were easier to steal from. *whistles*

Anyways...whatever, I'm gonna go write some new song now, to add to that collection that's bursting through my walls. Later. <3

I didn't get the fucking meet n' greets.
Gah, I don't know how i'm going to get this to Wentz now.
Whatever, fuck everything.
I'm so fucking annoyed.
And yes, I realize i'm using Fuck as every other word.
I'm really fucking stressed out right now, and no one knows whats going on.
I can't stand everything right now.
I just need to fucking talk to somebody.
I dont even fucking care anymore.


Secrets are the worst, I just want to be okay with myself.

Ignore me please?
I'm ranting about everything.




I just want to meet Wentz again, and I want to give him my folder again, and I just want 5 fucking minutes with him, to sit down and fucking talk about music, and my lyrics, and my bands music and all that shit. I just want a real conversation without all those fucking fan girls mobbing us.
Now...the question is, how am I going to make this happen?
Idk.
Why would a 28 year old listen to what a 17 year old has to say?
Force is the only way to get this done, and I will force my folder into his hands somehow. FLKS

*sigh*
Sorry everyone, about everything.
Just ignore this.
I just needed to rant.

This weekend has been one of the most extraordinary weekends of my life.
I spent Friday and Saturday at Briana's house, we spent Friday talking about everything with the band, and how we felt, and it felt really good just to relax and talk to someone about everything that's going on.
THEN Saturday, we freaking recorded.
I have a CD that I hold in my hands and its like a masterpiece to me.
I finally feel like I'm doing something right, and this is such an adrenaline rush, to be able to call something your own. Oh god it feels so fucking good.
It's one song, but I don't care, it's 1:57 seconds of pure bliss.
We're recording the vocals to it next weekend, along with the drums.
Then we're also going to record our cover of Good Riddance by Green Day, and possibly Saturday by Fall Out Boy.
God, I can't wait to see Pete now, and be able to hand him an actual CD this time.
I pray to god I get these meet n' greets, everything in my life is riding on getting these.
It is going to be so beyond amazing.
I can't wait to upload more songs for everyone to listen too.
Check out our demo right now, it's pretty rough, but I don't mind, because it's ours.

www.myspace.com/arumorinprogress

God help me.
Why is he talking to me now?
Out of all people in the world, he chooses to talk to me.
Even after I've blown him off so many times, and basically told him I hated him.
Why wouldn't Ryan write to me?

So friendships are something to think about.
I've lost so many friends this year over worthless pity fights.
But I've gained so many more.
Sometimes I don't understand the use to all of these arguments that we have, but I guess you can't have love without pain right? It just would be to perfect all the time.
I'm waiting to slip up and ruin another friendship, I can feel it coming but I don't know who.
I don't want to lose anyone else, I love all my friends so much.
Lately I've been missing everyone a lot, it feels like we're drifting apart.
I don't really keep in touch with anyone, when I clearly am capable of doing so.
What's wrong with me?

Fuck this entry.









I just want to leave florida already.

I love conversations with Briana.
We get so indepth about everything, and its so bizzare.

first official new band practice on friday today.
Total sweetness.
And dont worry HaLeh, i'll be back early for Harry Potter. 
PROMISE!
ha. xD

So, I can't comment on anyone else's entries. Because livejournal has decided to become retarded apparently and not send me my confirmation e-mail, no matter how many times I re-send it. Stupidfreakinglivejournal.
Anways. Uhh, HaLeih and I went to see Harry Potter and the Order Of the Phoenix, 2 times, in one day. WOO-HOO!! lol. We're going to see it again on sunday, with her parents, because we're that big of nerds. >.< Then, we're going to go see it on I-max too. LMFAO. Wow HaLeih, we're crazy.

p.s. Kingdom Hearts 3 is in the making, why am I such a nerd? HAHAHAHA!!!

And this is a new song, its untitled so far. Unsure of good name I suppose.




Dreaming up a reality with nervous twitches to the thighs
of the unmentionable relations
but shhhh they can hear us from our silent eyes
glances that scream the words of undelt names
Cards on the table, gambling for money neither have
I bet everything on a happily ever after ending
But bad luck seems to follow me in shadow

I'm losing a game, that never rolled in my favor
A sad loss for the unchallenged heart
I'll sit this one out, on the sidelines for fear of fight
I'm nor strong or willing to win back something I never had.
Denial stares me down through those shiny brown liars

I'll stand downwind of the lies thank you very much
Risking only to see you in udder silence
When our lips touch in dark shadows of no flash
I'll silence your mouth in the tunnels of your bedroom
A safehaven for minutes till release

Why dont the words I speak come out the same as I think?
Backwards, mixed up in disfiguring tones
An unknown concept of vowels to consonants
Breathe soft on your skin, they can hear our voices
Their watching through the walls
Waiting for chances to catch us in weakness

I'm losing a game, that never rolled in my favor
A sad loss for the unchallenged heart
I'll sit this one out, on the sidelines for fear of fight
I'm nor strong or willing to win back something I never had.
Denial stares me down through those shiny brown liars

Stand tall in defense, don't let them see the easy side
The side that I see behind closed doors
Hiding isn't as easy as it used to be, with eyes pearing through glass.
Safety is a priority, of how fast can you run?

Hold fast to your echoing voice
Their glancing in your favor for a easy reach
They follow with ears wide to grasp any remark to release.

My car wont start. =(

I can't wait to move to Chicago. 2 years baby...2 years.

It's early, and bright, I woke up to the sun shining through my window in full force.
Terrible first sight.
But hey, my dreams last night were something to die for.
This year is my year.